Paris, October

Paris, October

November 11, 2017

Location: Paris, France

Paris! I have no words! Every time I think of this city my mind goes blank and wanders to eating silky croissants while promenading through the quaint streets overshadowed by Haussmann buildings with roses hanging off the balcony. 
Last October my mom and I decided to go on a little trip to Paris to go to Hillsong's concert - they cancelled it in the end, so we were there in Paris like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That's it for today's post! So excited to share my other photos from our other Paris trip we did in November hahaha!!!

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Meet my new puppy!!

Meet my new puppy!!

September 30, 2017

Hello humans!

I hope you've all had a spectacular week and are spending the last days of September splendidly while squeezing in some last minute adventures (before the weather starts getting colder, that is)! I know I have been away for like m o n t h s and there are a ton of things I want to write on this blog before I go MIA again, and I thought there is just no better way to segue my way back in than by introducing my new puppy!!

His name is Stewie, sometimes when we want to get down to serious business we call him Stewart haha! This means when he starts barking while we eat. His breed is shih-tzu and is currently only 5 months old! He is honestly the fluffiest little human and he is the cutest when he just gets out of bed because his hairs just get all over the face and his little eyes are covered and assfdhbfkjf. We adopted him (kind of? We got him from a family that decided they didn't want to have him anymore, I know, crazy) at the end of July this year and we strongly believe that he is like a blessing to all of us!

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On losing a loved one

On losing a loved one

May 18, 2017

I remember lying in my bed thinking to myself - how does it feel to lose a loved one again, to experience the kind of pain and sadness that physically hurts and drains you. If you know me in real life you might know that I lost my dad at a young age, and yet, these many years later it still hurts the same. So how will it be, losing someone dear to me, again? 

Losing my dad was the first ever loss I'd experienced, being 7 at the time. There was no way I could've prepared myself or for me to be able to console myself about what was about to happen. Now, aged 22, I still feel the same. All those years, and dear ones lost, I thought I was well prepared. I know how it felt so I'll know how it feels and therefore I'll be prepared. 

No.

There's no way I could've known, or felt, let alone prepared myself for today. How on earth did I think I would be 'okay' with losing someone, whose home was my home, whose room was my room, whose food was my food, whose family was my family?

May 18, 08:48

That was when I heard the news. I cannot even begin to think of imagining how I felt. I was shaking with my eyes withered with tears. I kept scrolling on my phone thinking no, no, no. I read messages from my family and every single one burned a hole in my heart. 

What's been on my head is how we face things that we could not possibly understand. It sucks and it feels like somebody's holding my head under water, you know? Me crying I can't breathe, and them telling me to swallow nonetheless.

I have no choice but to collect all the broken pieces of patience, courage and energy I have regarding to this big loss.

I keep on imagining her being there- the one place she has lived since she was young. A happy person, doing things she loved doing. Cooking for her grandkids, pearls of sweat sliding onto her cheeks, yet with the biggest smile. I remember her as a woman who remembers everyone's favourite food, who took me to school, who smiles and laughs and jokes with me. As a woman who loves those who matter beyond any means. She is going to forever remind me of how much love she can offer.

Realising that yet another person will not be here for important milestones in my life pains me as this will be an unfinished dream that will linger in my heart. 

What's left now is the letting go. It is never easy to adapt to a new reality, you know? Since 7 years old, I have come to understand why people pass on. I concluded that it's an indication that they have completed their purpose in life, that they were here and that it was enough. She has given beauty to my life and to those who knew her. My grandma was given a purpose in life for herself and for everyone else she has touched. 

We love you and miss you, Oma. 

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Outgoing mail

Outgoing mail

November 14, 2016

I haven't been updating my blog as frequently as I would've wanted to, although I promised myself I'd blog more consistently.. So as an attempt to get myself back on the blogging wagon, I decided to share my latest outgoing mails for my friends overseas.

These past few weeks I have been sending letters to my friends, some of them live in Europe, Asia and even in the US! It's sooo very exciting, I love walking to the mailbox near my house, mail my letters off and then wait for my friends to receive theirs. I just think it's so cute and even though I enjoy the internet generation I also still appreciate small little things like this! It's just different, feels more special and definitely more personal than a regular WhatsApp message ;)

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I wouldn't change a thing

I wouldn't change a thing

October 13, 2016

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. - Psalm 27:14

But those who hope in the Lord 
will renew their strength.
 They will soar on wings like eagles;
 they will run and not grow weary,
 they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:26 

Yes, I'm clinging on so tightly on God's promises proclaimed in the verses above. Waiting. Holding on. Orienting my life in the time at hand on the yet to come. Even if I stand with so many questions, I know He knows all the answers. But one thing that I'm certain of - I wouldn't change this season of waiting upon the Lord for anything, yes, anything- because at the end of the day I get God. How precious is that. My treasure, my prize and my portion for everlasting. As uncomfortable and painful this season may be, I would not trade this process. For without this refiner's fire, I wouldn't have gotten deeper in my love for Him. The personal knowledge of my Saviour. I would just probably 'know' from what others have experienced but never truly encountered Him for myself in the beauty of who He is.

I'm no expert at all but I know (for the Bible tells me so ;)) that the Lord takes waiting very seriously. He delights in His people who understand the significance of waiting- because waiting takes faith, courage and love for God. I would have never understood how my Heavenly Father delights in corporate worship, in godly friendships (He surrounds me with angels!!!), in my devotional life and even in my day to day uni chaos!

I'm not even halfway through the process, but I can now testify that He is my comforter amidst my fears and disappointment, my Deliverer from the wicked, my  strength for my weary soul, my energy who refreshes, my constant Saviour from my own fickle heart, my best friend who loves unconditionally, my faithful promise, my favour and anointing who sets me apart, my sole provider, my rest even in the midst of the craziest situation I might find myself in. He is Emmanuel- God is with me. I am 100% assured and excited of the perpetual discovery I will find in Him daily as I surrender my whole life into His until eternity.

Not to minimise the process, waiting takes courage. The key to courage is waiting on God. And waiting on a God that is so faithful is one of the most beautiful things ever... But what does it really mean to wait on the Lord? As David waited upon the Lord as shown in Psalm 37, he exhorts:

Trust in the Lord..

Delight yourself in the Lord..

Commit your way to the Lord..

Be still before the Lord.

Yes, an active waiting. The Hebrew word means eager seeking- worshipping day in and day out. Waiting with delight, in joyfulness. When things are bad, I have delight- because it is a delight in God, not my circumstances, not the goodness or badness of the details around me. This is overwhelmingly a delight by faith, when I look through my pain and seize the unshakable glory of a Saviour who will never leave me nor forsake me, one who knows what it means to hurt, who walked the path of the greatest suffering to welcome us into His presence where there is fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. And one thing I'm sure of, God delights when His people wait on Him, because it reflects how much one treasures Him.

I rest assured knowing that because He loves me, God will not bless me so richly that I do not have to trust Him. He blesses me seasonally, proportionately. God blesses me with the fullness of Himself through the momentary incompleteness of the provision I desire. He doesn't just want a gift to be a means to an end, but for the delight in the gift itself to be a means to grow in faith and joy. I wish it was not easier said than done. Most days, I feel it would be so much easier if I could just be thankful, instead of faithful. In moments of waiting, the biblical definition of faith becomes annoyingly real: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things NOT SEEN" (Hebrews 11:1). Let's just say I thank God that Elizabeth Angelia doesn't get what she wants when she wants it. For if she does, she wouldn't have fully encountered Him in the beauty of who He is. 

And if at the end of the day I should repeat this season of waiting all over again, by the grace of God.. I would. For in the end I get God. My prize, my portion for everlasting. My heart will wait steadfast for I know He is good, He is faithful.

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